Friday, March 22, 2013

I Am Ok

I don't really have an official bucket list. But if I did, one of the things on it would be to pay for the order of the person behind me in a drive-thru line. And if I had such a list...  

...I would be marking that item off today...

...because I DID IT!!!

Ok, I know this doesn't seem like a big deal. Not only was it a small amount of money, but it was fast-food - not exactly solving world hunger or procuring world peace. Not even meeting a "need". But that's almost the beauty of it. Completely unnecessary random act of kindness for no other reason than to make someone smile.

And boy, did she smile! She honked and I looked at her in my mirror and she had one of the most sincerely giddy smiles of pure, spontaneous joy I have ever seen. I don't think I'll ever forget her smile, stretching from ear to ear and pouring out in a rush of excited energy from her eyes and waving hand.

The cashier was not impressed. He looked at me with what seemed like disgust or extreme disrespect. Like I was a complete weirdo. As if I were breaking some unwritten rule about minding your own business and succumbing to the drudgery of life, without making "happy" waves that make dutiful rule-abiders uncomfortable. Oh well. If he got splashed with "happy" he surely won't melt.

So... why run home and blog about it??? It seems a little self-serving and defeating the purpose. But you just have to understand... how much this little thing I did has meant to ME. I call myself a generous person because I like to think I would give the shirt off my back to someone who needed it. And I often think of things I'd like to give to or do for others. Sometimes I come to the conclusion that I don't have the money or time, but often I just put it off. Always planning, never doing. How fitting that I got this fortune just the other day:

However, the main reason that I am so affected by all of this is because I have been the one in need. Not just financially, but in many other ways, as well. How often have I stood in a crowd with a brave smile on my face - or written a blog post about rainbows and sunshine - yet on the inside, I was just almost buckling under the weight of my burdens? How often has the pain deep inside been so excruciating that it was all I could do to hold back a flood of tears while at work, church, a birthday party or, yes, even sitting in a drive-thru line?

But not today! I just can't tell you the gratitude I felt today when I was able to reach out from a place of healing and peace and give to someone else, knowing I was ok. Knowing that weeping endured for the long, dark night - but morning came, full of so much joy that I even had some to spare. =)